What do I tell her . How do I stop . These things in my head . They’re just going to rot . Should I let go of her . Should I not . It’s just overwhelming whenever she’s around . It’s like thunder and the rainfall as they strike the calm ground . Ok baby . Here it is . This is what I want to say . I know it’s not fair . Everyone’s guilty of their own gamble in solitaire . Things might not seem too good between me and you . That’s because everyday you grow sick of me . Don’t deny the truth . I want to hold on . You want to let go . Well that’s just not how I see it . There is a lot I want you to know . I may not be the perfect one . I may the one at all . It’s just maybe in my head that needs a bottle of whiskey and point blank canon ball . I’ve seen you cry . I’ve seen you laugh . I’ve seen you terrified and angry , this is something new . Something that I know not of . Seeing you sit their taking the biggest test and trial . It’s all in the head and that is the greatest turmoil . Dad . Gimme one good goddamn reason to stay , you said . Then you’ve made him sick . That’s what they said . I see you hold on to those tears like a baby to his dad’s finger . Let them flow . They’re just going to tell you the story as the years go and the thought will always linger . Don’t let anyone stop you from taking what’s yours . That’s what I’ve always grown up with . But seeing you here . Now I’m thinking that’s all just a bloody big myth . I can’t stop biting my nails and pulling my hair out . How do I make her stay . Just do something that’ll blow her mind away . I sat and thought about every possible deal . But you know isn’t it like being hypocritical , such depth can a bond seal . Go tell your old man how it feels . Talk to him for one more time . Let him know that it’s not about the person or the dime . I just need the roof and the cool wind blowing . As I talk to my dad you said . Take all the time you want , until them I hope I’m not dead . Dad gimme one solid reason for me to stay back . I promise I’ll never ask if it’s something that I can never cross or payback . It’s not about a reason or about a reason to pay . It’s just I know my little girl and that’s what’s causing the dismay. Dad don’t you see . I’ve grown to be someone like you . Taking risks . Doing things . Just can’t get better . True . I’ve got a mom who has always favoured the elder and the younger . But you . It’s you that I’ve always held on to , like no other . I heard my sister the other day disown like I’ve been dead . You don’t know how much that hurt me . Like a headless chicken I bled . Since I remember I’ve been making decisions .. wait scratch that I’ve been following decisions . Things I loved I gave up just so that you guys could accept me and but you made you just made me cause myself incisions Make me feel part of this family . Now you drive me crazy . To a point that I might not even flinch when I testify that I don’t have one . That’s amazing . No. Its not always about what you’ve wanted . Now it’s time for me to take the step . Agree with it or not I’m going to make my tread . Oh wait this might hurt him again . This might give them a reason to blame . And it’s not my father that I want to hurt . The others they’re just pawns in a game . Why ? Just why can’t you let me breath my own oxygen ? Does it make you feel insecure that I might turn it into another poison . Do you realise that I’ve become venomous just because you’ve always controlled me . The hurt of a broken soul , how would you know what that could mean . I say I’m stubborn dad . But I’m fragile and weak . I just need your support to make me or like a broken tap going to leak . Leak all you want empty the whole tank . But know this my little girl . You’ll always be my little girl no matter how much you gank . But dad I want to get away from everything emotional . Don’t you see that’s why people always think I’m delusional . Is it about that guy who I’m in love with ? Then if it is . Shouldn’t you have known it’s my family that needs to be blamed for it . Dance . People . Love . City . And now you ask of my career . No this is something I earned . That’s with a lot of sweat and blood and weed and beer . What do you mean if it never happened ? I agreed and I came back just to start off fresh . Now that I have something don’t you think you’re asking me to peel the skin off my flesh . Please dad . Don’t do this to me . You’re the one that’s needs to understand and this time it’s not me . Well try all you want . Try to change the mind . Thanks to the stubborn me . I don’t care if it hurts anymore . I’m going to the new place and that’s the final design . You hung up the phone and didn’t even feel like living anymore . But little did you know I watching you the entire time you pulled on the cigarettes and your feet were getting cold . I don’t know what to say . I really do not . Can I ask you to stay baby . Or will I be another battle lost . I feel like I’m in a war . That’s already been lost . But yet I try to conquer the gold mine that’s hidden where I know not . Four months is all it took to get you in my life . Now to think of pulling you out that’s like a husband being hurried by his wife . I lost him 3 months ago and now I’m not ready for you . Tell me if you’re going and that you’ve already done so. I can never say goodbye week you know that’s the truth . I see you push me away . Everytime I get close . I know that’s how you prepare me for when the day comes. Don’t do it baby . That’s what my mind has been screaming at you . But you’ll always see that stupid smile and the reason is you . Zero has always been something invaluable to everyone . But when zero is told to a person , that same zero will be the value of your ego when they’re soaring high . I might look normal now. It’s just the fact that I’ve accepted it . I cannot see you like this . Never can I see you like today again . Go on baby . Go on price not to show show them down . But do so just to bring yourself up . You’ve got nothing to hold on to anymore . I’ve got only you to hold on to . 6 months or a year . Just know I’ll still have that stupid smile evrytime I call you or think of you .
PS: I Love You and baby now it’s time to let go!